A Word of Encouragement

A Letter To My Young Single Friends

This time of year, it is tough to be single. Everywhere you look there are Valentines. Every store is trying to sell you flowers, candy, cards, and gifts. Everything seems to be geared to the couple. So what’s a single person to do? My challenge to you is to take advantage of your singleness. Trust me, as the song says “You’re gonna miss this”.

I am in no way ‘dissing’ marriage. Marriage is a beautiful institution set up by God himself. I have been blessed with a fulfilling marriage; a wonderful, caring, loving husband; and marvelous children. I would not trade this for anything. But what I want you to understand is that your singleness can be just as beautiful if you will just take advantage of the time you have as a single person.

When Expectations Fall Short

I remained single until I was 28 years old. This was ‘old’ to a girl who only wanted to be a wife and a mom from very early in my life. It was my greatest desire. Add to that, all my ‘good intending’ friends and family’ trying to “encourage me” did not help. But in retrospect, I do wish that I would have realized sooner that those single years were an opportunity for growth in many areas of my life.

I apologize to you if I am only making things worse for you. Indeed, I am frustrated when I look around and see all these wonderful Christian men and women who can’t seem to find their soulmate. I wonder, “what is the problem?” They seem to be amazing people and yet God has not brought them to the right person. It frustrates me truly which is why I am writing this note. I sincerely want to help you become exactly what God desires you to be.

I hear you talking to me already, “yeah, yeah, yeah … Jesus was single, Paul was single. Mary, Martha, Elijah, and the list goes on. I could list one hundred of them’.

I’m glad you brought that up. Because the truth of the matter is,

The Apostle Paul was right. It is much better to be single. You are your own boss in a sense. Outside of your job, your time is yours, you don’t have to keep in mind a spouse or children or in-laws that need your attention. You can choose to spend time, even long amounts of time, just reading and studying and drawing closer to God. Trust me, these moments are precious once you have a family.

Once you marry, it is difficult to find and take that time each day. I’m talking from experience here. If you don’t already have this habit established when you marry, it is doubtful that you ever will. So I beg of you, establish a habit of time with God every day. Do not let anything deter you from spending time with God each day. Set specific times or even days that are reserved for God alone, no exceptions. Take this time to become the wonderful man or woman of God that your spouse deserves.


Enjoy This Time

Secondly, I suggest that you enjoy this time personally. You’ll never have less stress and more money. You may be laughing, thinking how can it be? But it is true. Use this time for yourself.

  • Do you have a desire to travel? Do it now!
  • Is your eye on some frivolous item? Buy it now.
  • If you want to get more education, register for a class now.

You get the idea. It will never be easier to accomplish these things now while you are single with no distractions.

No Regrets

When I am asked what regrets I have in life, the things that come to mind are …

  1. not taking the chance to travel
  2. I didn’t take the opportunity to learn new things.
  3. Nor did I let go of fear and try new things.

Once you are married, it is really hard to find the time and money to do these things. Plus you will just have to be more practical about things once you are married. Let me add this note of caution though to the ladies, if you are dreaming of a big wedding, maybe you ought to be stashing away a big portion of your paycheck instead of buying all the things you ‘think’ you need.  Prioritize. What is most important. If travel is a greater desire than a big wedding, then travel; but remember that you made that choice when you decide to walk down the aisle and keep it simple on your wedding day. Starting off a marriage, being deep in debt is not a good idea.

Training Time

Lastly, this is your training time. It’s your preparation time. Have you considered the thought that just saying “I do” does not automatically make you a good spouse? This is your time to prepare yourself to be the husband or wife God wants you to be. Did you know that Esther had a year of preparation before she married the King? I challenge you to take some time to write out what you think a good husband or wife looks/acts like. NOT for your spouse to be for you, but for you to be for her/him.

What are the things that you want to do to be the best husband or wife for your spouse?

Then, start practicing them now. Treat everyone around you like you are thinking you will treat your spouse.

  • If you think you will get up every morning and make coffee for him/her, then start doing that now. Make it for your roommate, your sister, your mom. (you know they say, to watch how a man treats his mother and you know how he will treat his wife.)
  •  If you think a good wife prays for her husband, then start praying for your husband now. Not that God will bring him to you, but that he is growing spiritually to be the husband you need and that God would guide him as he builds his career.

This is just a few areas that you can pray for him without even knowing who he is. Pray that God will teach you how to be a good wife/spouse, ask Him to prepare you for the good, bad AND ugly of the man he has in mind for you. Work on becoming that special person your spouse will need.

Well, that is my challenge to you.

I believe that if you begin working on these things that you will be a much happier person and just when you start having a really good time being single, you will find yourself standing at the altar! That’s what happened to me!

As for this Valentine’s Day … Find a way to serve others. Have a singles party. Go visit a nursing home and give away a little love.







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